Backwoods Bound Bullet

ARTICLE: THE HUNTER'S PERIL by David Falconer

 I; don't believe in UFO conspiracy theories and the study I did of Project Bluebook files left me bored to death, but there is a phenomena that is real in America's hunting woods and it seems primarily targeting hunters. I am not making this up, it is real and 60 Minutes and 20/20 have totally overlooked the significance of the phenomena's existence!! I write this today in hopes that I am not alone in cataloguing this clue to a higher power, a mystery that deserves to be answered and possibly revealing a hidden danger that each of us face as hunters in North America. Let me start this with an example.

 I; hunt with a friend of mine I will call Kevin (His name actually is Kevin) and I can remember at least two times since we have hunted together in the past five years that Kevin entered the woods prepared to hunt Oklahoma Whitetail: a Winchester .308 rifle, blaze orange hat and vest, long sleeved camo sweatshirt and scent suppressant camo pants with water-proof boots, a grunt call hung around his neck. We parted ways at the truck, each of us heading to his respective stand with the hope of taking a trophy buck. Each time we have done this, nothing has marked the two times something happened as different or ominous. Yet, the results were the same. Around noon, Kevin would walk from the direction of his stand to the truck attired pretty much the same way he entered the woods, but with a sleeveless camo sweatshirt!!! That is right!! His sleeves had disappeared all the way to his shoulders! I don't mean they were just gone, but they had the look that someone had taken them off at the seam with a laser or a sharp instrument like a razor.

 The; first time I brought this up I noticed his eyes dart away nervously, a scowl of some faintly remembered discomfort briefly flashing across his face. He tried to dismiss my observation nonchalantly claiming he often wore sleeveless shirts because as the sun came up the day grew warmer, but I told him I distinctly remembered him entering the woods with sleeves on his shirt. He was quiet, almost sullen when I brought it up later and I could see that it was not a subject that he would openly discuss with me, a friend of many years.

 Something; had happened to my friend.

 Certain; that Kevin had experienced an event that may have traumatized him, I was happy to see he was ready to hunt the next day with no seemingly ill effects. I did not bring up the disappearance of his shirt sleeves through lunch and during the evening hunt Kevin killed a nice doe. We dressed it quickly, Kevin letting me skin it as I am a little quicker than he is at skinning a deer as long as I have a sharp knife like Kevin's and we checked it in at the local check station, stopping at one of the grills across the highway for a burger before going home.

 Some; of the locals were old friends and we talked about the hunt and I decided that Kevin's experience might be easier to handle if others had experienced similar events while in the hunting woods. I mentioned casually that Kevin had gone into the woods the day before with a long sleeve shirt and came out with a sleeveless shirt and the locals erupted in laughter. Kevin's face turned red and he ducked his head, his eyes burning holes right through me. I was shocked by the local's reaction to Kevin's trauma and I quickly paid for dinner, mollifying my friend's anger a bit at my seemingly indifference to his pain.

 As; we drove home, he asked me not to mention it again in public. Deciding that his change in character warranted investigation I got out my old UFO encounter books, watched some of the Project Blue Book files and I came out with the only conclusion. Aliens had abducted Kevin. From all the tales I could find, it appeared that aliens preferred hunters and men accustomed to the rigors of the country life. For some reason aliens preferred the rough-hewn men of the woods over soft, slender runway models, professional athletes or even Republicans. Kevin's aversion to explain what happened to him was natural from the drug-induced trance many of the people professed to being in when the aliens were doing their thing to them.

 Sadly;, I also figured out why he was increasingly hostile. Aliens prefer a method of study known in scientific circles as anal probing. Kevin had gone on an everyday hunt, had gotten probed and then had his shirtsleeves swiped with little or no memory of the occurrence. Hell, he had not even seen a deer!!

 It; is important to remember Kevin was armed and not a single shot was fired the day his sleeves disappeared! This in itself suggests a power and technology above our own.

 I; really felt bad about exposing this to the locals in my innocent attempt to bring solace to my friend.

 Thanksgiving; is right in the middle of gun season in Oklahoma and Kevin was unable to hunt over the holiday weekend, but my friend Brentt from Texas was coming up. After buying the necessary tags, he said Kevin had mentioned that he had a good stand and Brentt was welcome to hunt in it. I was immediately faced with a dilemma! Do I tell him what happened to Kevin or do I keep my mouth shut?

 Based; on the fact that aliens are normally not from our planet, I decided there was little chance of Brentt being accosted in the same manner Kevin had been earlier in the week. The first day's hunt went well, Brentt had seen many deer, but opted to wait for something worth hanging on the wall. We had decided to camp out and we heated some chili I had made earlier in the week and kept on ice for supper that night. It was a nice night and we woke early, ready to hunt the holiday morning and then go to my house where my family was preparing Thanksgiving dinner.

 Brentt; donned his orange vest; his long sleeve camo shirt remarkably like the one Kevin wore on that fateful day. We left the truck and I glanced at him, unknowingly picturing him in a way that would not be the same as he returned.

 Shortly; after dawn I noticed a large 8-point trying to slip past my stand, angling across the flat bench I had been watching. A well-placed shot filled my tag and I walked back to the truck, unloading my 4 wheeler and retrieving the deer. I had hog dressed the deer when Brentt came stumbling from the woods, his face ashen as he held his gun in his left hand. His brow was beaded with perspiration, his eyes reddened as if he had had a major strain on his body. His orange vest was gone, but he appeared otherwise intact as I rushed to him.

 "What's wrong?" I asked and he just shook his head, rolling his eyes. I took his rifle, ejecting the magazine from the receiver and the round from the chamber before putting it in the back seat of my truck.

 "I don't feel right," he mumbled, climbing into the seat of my truck, facing out the door as he opened a bottle of water, drinking it with slow, long swallows that emptied the bottle in seconds.

 "What is wrong?" I asked.

 "I think it was the chili," Brentt said, obviously devising a cover for his confusion.

 "Where is your vest?" I asked, my eyes noting the now recognized reluctance in my friend's eyes, the hesitant manner as he struggled to put vaguely remembered memories into words.

 "I . . . I'm not sure," he stammered, wincing gingerly as he swiveled on his buttocks to put his feet on the floorboard. I hastily averted my eyes as I observed the very evidence I needed to confirm my suspicions! Brentt had been abducted and the aliens took his vest!! The deep painful wince on his face as he turned in my truck sadly confirmed that he too had been violated in the same heinous manner as Kevin.

  More savvy in the ways of handling the recently abducted, I did not pressure Brentt as he sat quietly, trying to gather his thoughts over the brain-numbing events that he tried so valiantly to piece together. A few times as we drove home he would lurch, hugging his stomach and moaning at some residual memory of his experience that the aliens had missed when erasing his mind of the occurrence.

 Brentt; spent the holiday in bed, his nerves shot and his constitution divested of the amazing strength he had shown just the evening before in camp. The next morning he did not hunt, deciding through the night to go home after a fitful night of sleep.

 I; did not hunt Friday; my doe tag lying unfilled on my kitchen table. Saturday morning I awoke before daylight and with a determination to set things right I strapped on my .44 Magnum pistol beneath my hunting coat and got the old .30-30 out of the gun cabinet.

 At; daylight I was sitting in Kevin's deer stand, my eyes watching a trail that followed the length of the bench and the intersection of another trail from below the hill. My hand remained close to my handgun, my eyes sharply on the lookout for aliens.

 By; 10 AM I had seen two smallish bucks and a doe that never presented a shot that insured a clean kill and I was getting tired. Climbing down the ladder when my feet hit the ground my stomach cramped and I felt in my pack for my toilet paper. Grumbling to myself as I found that it was missing, I remembered my wife had used it on a fishing trip and obviously never put it back. I walked back towards the truck until I could almost see it when I finally doubled over with cramps. Drawing my knife and taking a big sigh, I stepped off the trail to take care of business.

 My; wife giggled as I complained to her that one of the functions of a proper hunting or fishing partner is to always make sure there is toilet paper in the daypack. Lying in bed, a smoozy romance novel in her hands, she said, "So am I going to have to buy you a new pack of underwear?"

 "No, I have plenty," I replied, my face blushing. She was unmerciful when she got started.

 "Did you cut up another pair of underwear?"

 Biting; my lip, I said, "Had too. Did not have anything else to use."

 "How about the sleeves on your shirt?"

 I; got real quiet, my eyes squinting as I studied my wife anew. Everybody knows if you don't have toilet paper in the woods that you cut off your underwear so no one knows your predicament. It is one of those things men know, that they don't have to be taught! My wife was from this area and as I thought about it I realized that I had not had any intentions of getting married when I met her 20 years ago. Her eyes seemed to glint in the light of the reading lamp beside the bed and I swallowed hard. Was it possible that the reason I had never been abducted was because I was married to one of the aliens?

 She; laughed again at my silence and I realized that after 20 years of marriage that she knew how to tease me and she was no more an alien than I am. Besides, when she went to her sister's house that night I went through every dresser drawer she had and I could not find a single sleeve or extra hunting vest, though I did find two pairs of shoes I didn't know she had.

 My; point is whatever causes this phenomena is still out there and the only way to protect yourself is to be aware, don't hunt alone and if your partner SHOULD happen to stumble from the woods with no sleeves when he had sleeves before -- be sympathetic to his plight and his recent experience. If he seems a little grouchy just remember you would be too if a couple of little green men had just went home with pictures of your innards as a trophy!

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ARTICLE: SEVEN OF MY FAVORITES FOR BIKING GEAR by Kathryn Mosely

 When; I moved to the scenic Columbia River Gorge, I was a runner. I had lived in flat country, where there were miles of bark-mulched trails along the Willamette River. Here in the Gorge, it was different. Everything was straight up, then straight down, and I couldn't find a bark path anywhere. I had to find alternatives to running; the steep hard trails were killing my knees and hips.

  Fortunately, the Columbia Gorge is a recreation center; the attractions include mountain biking and windsurfing. Since I don't like swimming, I opted for the mountain bike. That turned out to be one of the best choices I ever made, although I began the try-out cautiously. I didn't know whether I'd like biking in the long-term, so I started with a low-end bicycle that was truly heavy - in retrospect it was a total clunker. Next, I balked at buying some of the rather expensive gear. I'm actually not a tightwad, it just seemed that some of the stuff was more about looks than practical use.

 However;, after using a few of the items, I understood that while the gear might make you look 'cool', it also really does help you function better. Here are 7 of my favorite pieces that I didn't think I'd care about (back in my post- runner/pre-biker days) and now I wouldn't dream of being without.

 1.; Padded shorts. They make you more comfortable, especially for long rides. Whether you're road biking or mountain biking, it pays to invest in these shorts.

 2.; Well-vented helmet. You've got to buy a helmet anyway, right? If you don't wear one you're crazy. Spend the extra bucks to get one made of the super-strong material that affords lots of vents to help keep you from over- heating. And in the case of helmets, you get what you pay for: the higher-end helmets are easier to adjust for a better fit.

 3.; Pedals and shoes with cleats (clipless). After a bit of a learning curve on how to release quickly and be able to lock-in going up hill, clipless becomes as automatic as shifting gears. You especially notice the benefits when you're road-biking; you're gaining on the entire stroke instead of only the downward push.

 4.; Hydration pack (backpack with water-bladder - Camelbak is one brand). I might not have tried one, but I got it as a gift. I really appreciate having about 3 quarts of water handy, instead of needing to make the awkward downward reach to get the water bottle from its rack, and then lift my head to drink. In the process, I'd lose sight of the trail, and then have to fumble the water bottle back into its rack. It's no wonder that I rarely drank enough during rides and usually ended up somewhat dehydrated. Another thing I like about my pack is that it holds my rain jacket, keys, cell phone, and snacks.

 One; note: Keep a full water bottle in the rack. It's a great tool when dogs chase you. Get good with your aim, and you can squirt a dog without missing a stroke. They invariably run away.

 5.; Safety goggles - yellow. Of course, you should have protection for your eyes, but I wondered about the necessity of yellow or orange lenses. Seemed like poser- gear when I began to see them around. Then I used a pair. What difference in visibility! The yellow lenses really do brighten up shady trails and they help you a lot during overcast or lower-light times of day.

 6.; Half-finger gloves. The palms are padded, so that feels nice on long rides. The best part is what they do for you on wipe-outs, which are bound to happen. I've gotten lots of scraped knees, but my hands always come out feeling fine.

 7.; The Bike. Once I accepted that biking was not only more fun than running but was a lower-impact alternative for the sake of my joints, I gave the heavy clunker away and got serious about the most important piece of gear: The Bike. I knew what I wanted now - a light and strong frame, superior components, and suspension. To ride on a well designed machine, pure delight.

 As; a lifetime enthusiast of recreational sports, Kathryn Mosely has made a study of topics related to fitness and health. She is contributing writer of articles for Acer Bike News, the favorite on-line resource of cyclists. Visit the complete article archive at: http://www.acerbike.com/arch/

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In this issue:

BACKWOODS TRIVIA: This month's question is from Sam Huebner. Thanks Sam.

In baseball, when were the National League and American Leagues organized?

Find the answer at the end of this newsletter.

Send your trivia questions to [email protected] .

** STATE SHAPED TROPHY PLAQUES **

 Mount; this spring's trophy trout or crappie on a Backwoods Bound State Shaped Trophy Plaque. Add a special touch and let everyone know where you caught your once in a lifetime trophy. You can pay for glued together sawdust if you want or spend your hard earned cash for a plaque made from solid oak. They are handcrafted right here in the heartland of the U.S.A. and not in some foreign factory. Americans working for Americans. Mount your trophy on something unique this year and have it stand out from the rest.

 It; is also time to get those antlers out of the garage and into the house. It's hard to brag about the last falls hunting adventure when your trophy is collecting dust on your workbench. Order a Backwoods Bound State Shaped Trophy Plaque. You'll be glad you did! Remember that ALL the states and Canadian provinces are available. For more information and photos or to place your order go to www.backwoodsbound.com/catalog.html.

RECIPE:CRAPPIE WITH LEMON BUTTER

* Salt and pepper the fish to taste. Roll the fish in the flour.

* Melt the butter in a skillet over medium heat.

* Stir in the garlic and the marjoram. Saute for a minute or two.

* Add the floured crappie and brown on both sides.

* Add the lemon juice. Cover and cook over low heat for 10 - 15 minutes.

* Remove the fish and save any of the lemon butter to pour over the fish when it's served.

For more great recipes fish recipes go to: www.backwoodsbound.com/zfish.html

** ADVERTISE HERE! **

Place your ad here for only $6.00 an issue. Be seen by over 1400 potential buyers! Reduced rates for multiple issues. For more details go to www.backwoodsbound.com/advertise.html or e-mail us [email protected].

RECOMMEND THE BACKWOODS BOUND BULLET TO A FRIEND!

Know a friend who enjoys the outdoors as much as you do? Recommend The Bullet to them. It's easy to do, just follow this link or copy and paste the url into your browser! http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/backwo.ezine Thank you!

FISHIN' TIPS: One of the hottest things going around today, red colored hooks. Try replacing the front hook on your crankbaits with a red one. Use a red colored hook on your worm rigs or try a spinnerbait with flashes of red in the skirt. You may catch two or three times as many fish.

Send your tips to [email protected] and we will post them on the site or use them in an upcoming issue of The Bullet

** BACKWOODS BOUND CHILI SEASONING MIX **

 Spring; maybe here but there are still plenty of cool days when a pot of chili would hit the spot. Backwoods Bound Chili Seasoning Mix is a unique blend of spices that makes a perfect pot of chili every time. And remember that it's not only for chili. Try making some delicous tasting fajitas, enchiladas, jambalaya or tostadas! See the complete collection of recipes for our Chili Seasoning Mix at: www.backwoodsbound.com/zchili.html and be sure to send in yours.

 Backwoods; Bound Chili Seasoning Mix, it's simple to use and great tasting too! What else could you want? Use our secure on-line ordering system at www.backwoodsbound.com/chili.html OR pick some up today at Columbia Mini Mart on Main Street in Columbia, Illinois.

 Backwoods; Bound Chili Seasoning Mix - "Not To Mild... Not To Hot... Treat Yourself And Make A Pot!"

WHAT'S NEW

 We; are proud to announce a new affiliate to Backwoods Bound, eBladestore.com. We started adding their banners to our site a few weeks ago so chances are you have seen one by now. eBladestore.com offers a huge selection of knives, swords, knife accessories and sharpeners. They have knives for fishing, hunting, camping, kitchen, survival and specialty knives including Harley Davidson, Swiss Army and Leatherman. They offer all of the major brands including Buck, Camillus, Case, Fishkars, Chicago Cutlery and Victorinox. If you need a knife or need a great gift for someone, you need to check out eBladestore.com. Click on one of their many banners placed on our site or copy and paste this url into your browser window: ebladestore.com (link no longer active) .

 To; help our visitors determine what it will cost to ship our products to them, we have added a page containing our shipping rates. We were getting a lot of incomplete orders in our system as people would fill out an order hoping to see the shipping cost at the onset of the order procedure but the system didn't work that way. You had to wait until later in the check-out procedure after giving address and payment information and people didn't want to do that. So now with just the click of the mouse you will see the shipping rates that have been effect since March, 1, 2005. Find them at www.backwoodsbound.com/shiprates.html .

 There; are some new photos to view in the Backwoods Beauty and the Fishin' Photos sections. Check them out at www.backwoodsbound.com/bbphotos.html and www.backwoodsbound.com/fishphotos.html.

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** ADVERTISE HERE! **

Place your ad here for only $6.00 an issue. Be seen by over 1400 potential buyers! Reduced rates for multiple issues. For more details go to www.backwoodsbound.com/advertise.html or e-mail us [email protected].

See this month's Crazy Captions photo at: www.backwoodsbound.com/funphotos.html and send us your Crazy Caption. Have a photo that would make a great Crazy Caption? Send it to [email protected].

ARTICLE: PROVIDING INNER PEACE THROUGH THE GREAT OUTDOORS by Eric Badofsky

"A dream deferred' dries up like a raisin in the sun." -- American poet Langston Hughes

Three years ago, when my son Ben bagged his first white-winged dove at the age of 9, I felt confident that this would be the first in a virtually endless succession of rewarding outdoor adventures he would experience in his promising young life. That confidence was grounded in a conviction most parents take for granted, i.e. the blessing of their child's continued good health.

Unfortunately, there are thousands of American families who share our love of the outdoors, but who can't share the assumption of robust health. They're families with a child suffering from a terminal illness or a wrenching disability that, tragically, will rob them of their lives before they reach adulthood. Like Ben, these kids harbor a passion for outdoor adventure; but - unlike Ben - their dreams may never be fulfilled.

Fulfilling those dreams has become the mission of the United Special Sportsmen Alliance, a grassroots, all-volunteer organization based in Pittsville, Wisconsin. Through the USSA's "Outdoor Adventures" program and its team of volunteers (of which I'm a proud member), the Alliance has already placed hundreds of deserving youngsters on dream hunting and fishing trips. This year, we're determined to arrange 600 of these very special expeditions, and we're counting on people like you - my fellow Backwoods Bound readers - to help us reach this lofty goal.

Essentially, your help can come in any of four ways:

* If you know of a seriously ill or disabled child who dreams of a hunting or fishing trip of a lifetime, please have their parents or legal guardians contact us, and we will do everything we possibly can to fulfill the child's wish.

* If you own a shooting preserve, hunting or fishing lodge, and would like to donate a trip to one of the children on our national waiting list, please contact us with available dates, species and requirements. From there, we will work hard match appropriate children to your donation, based on their desires and physical limitations.

* If you have any gently-used hunting or angling gear collecting dust in the attic (or if you know of a tackle/gear manufacturer or retailer willing to open their heart to these needy kids), please consider donating your equipment to the USSA. Many or our children come from homes whose financial resources are all but completely drained by medical bills, ongoing treatments and therapy, and these small gifts - a rod & reel, a hunting vest - even a simple fishing patch for their jacket - often become treasured mementos.

* If you would simply like to show your support by making a small financial contribution, annual USSA memberships start at just $25, and you can enroll online at www.ChildsWish.com. Contributions are tax-deductible, and because no one on the USSA staff accepts financial compensation of any kind, 100% of your gift goes directly toward helping children in need.

There is, of course, a special sense of urgency here. You see, for these children, there is little time left to defer their dreamsdreams that can come true with the help of your kindness and compassion. Eric Badofsky

The United Special Sportsmen Alliance is an all-volunteer, non-profit 501(C)(3) charity headquartered at 7864 Shotwell Road, Pittsville, WI 54466. For more information, or to make a donation, call (847) 676-8424, or log onto www.ChildsWish.com.

INTERESTING QUOTE: Bumper sticker on truck, "Indian say 'Vegetarian' is word for 'Bad Hunter'..." Thanks to Paula Lee for sending this in.

Seen or heard an interesting or humorous quote? Send it in and we'll post them next month. Send them to: [email protected]

RECIPE: - TANG PIE

* In a large bowl, combine the milk, sour cream and cream cheese.

* Fold in the Cool Whip

* Add the fruit if desired

* Pour into the crusts. Refrigerate overnight.

* Garnish with additional Cool Whip and fruit if desired.

Our thanks to Candy Duck for sending in this recipe. For more recipes visit our site at www.backwoodsbound.com/recipe.html

HUNTIN' TIP: - If you haven't done so, you need to pattern your shotgun for turkey hunting. Experiment with different brands of ammo and loads to find the one that patterns the best with your gun. You would think that with modern manufacturing techniques that guns and ammo would be made consist, but they aren't. Taking time now to see what and how your guns shoots best will give you confidence to bag that big boss tom this month.

For more tips visit our site at www.backwoodsbound.com/tipshunting.html. Send your tips to: [email protected].

** ADVERTISE HERE **

Place your ad here for only $6.00 an issue. Be seen by 1400 potential buyers! Reduced rates for multiple issues. Contact us at [email protected] for details.

FUN FACTS:  This; month's fun facts are all about animals. The first one is from Chloe Snyde who gives us this one, "If you keep a goldfish in the dark for a period of time, it will eventually turn white." Next up Ishan sends in, "A snail mates only once in life." And finally from Kim Johnston, "Ants don't sleep!" Thanks to everyone for sharing.

RECIPE: - DEER STIR FRY

* In a container with a lid, place the meat and cover with the dressing. Refrigerate overnight.

* Place the oil in a large skillet and heat over medium heat. Add the meat and cook until almost cooked through.

* Add the peppers and onion. Season to taste with Worcestershire sauce.

* Reduce heat to low and cook until the veggies are tender. Stir occasionally.

* Serve over the cooked rice.